apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
