Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
