I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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