I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
