My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
