why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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