I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize