with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
