yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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