Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
