drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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