My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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