the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
