i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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