But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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