I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
