I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
A+ Viking dick
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
