the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
So apparently I’m into choking now
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
