she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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