Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
