saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
