Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
