walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
How naked do you want me to be?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
