would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
