it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Jerry, you need to find god
is wine microwaveable?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize