In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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