Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
