She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Randomize
