I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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