Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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