I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
