Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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