Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
