Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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