We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
