Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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