The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
