Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
so explain again why im purple
no
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My vagina is officially offended.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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