I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
