I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
