Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize