Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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