What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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