just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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