My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
