her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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