ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
