How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
