the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
