Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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