I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
