Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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