Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize