Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
