R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
