Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
