Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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