hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We have started to decorate penises.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
