even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
