I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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