Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
