I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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