I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
