I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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