I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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