I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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