Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
