Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
