I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
