I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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