It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
