Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
