It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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