just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
