do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize