Your face is a jimmy john
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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