Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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