oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
