do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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