Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Fuck appropriateness.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm both gender and math confused
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
