Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
